The Slowcook at Spydog Farm The Slowcook at Spydog Farm

The Presidential Raffle

October 3rd, 2008 · 4 Comments · Posted in Uncategorized

Sarah Palin is determined to bring a cartoon character to the White House, dag blammit. Or is it Joe Six-Pack we’re supposed to elect? I get confused. But gosh darn it, why can’t we just have some ordinary person leading the country–somebody just as dim as you or I?
After reading every scrap of media that was put before me this morning, I pondered Palin’s proposal and–wouldncha know it?–I experienced some kind of epiphany. Of course, and golly gee! We don’t really need an election at all. We could save all that money–all those months of campaigning and mind-numbing television ads–as well as a whole lot of personal anxiety by just holding a presidential raffle.
Gee willickers, we’ve already got all the infrastructure in place (wink, wrinkle nose). We could just drop everyone’s Social Security number into a hat and pick two winners, one for president, one for vice-president.
Now, that wouldn’t guarantee we put someone perfectly average in the White House (gosh, it’d be hard to top the current occupant, wouldn’t it?). There’s always a chance we might pick a Harvard-educated lawyer or constitutional scholar or–perish the thought–community organizer. But at least this way, everyone would have a fair shake. In fact, I betcha our chances of getting a truly average president would be better than average.
Holy cow! I say go fer it.

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